Dirty Girls

The time has arrived when my gorgeous girls are on the move. As adorable as it is to see my wee urchins scuffle around the floor (at last it’s finally being polished) it is also an untidy mother’s nightmare. A few years ago, my husband bought me some saucy fridge poetry with words such as gusset, lick, engorge etc. As the kids can’t read yet, it has given us endless amount of amusement of a morning. But, I have a feeling it’s about to all go terribly, terribly wrong. The beast is learning to read at school (dammit, I knew I should have sent him to the drug dealers school after all) and keeps bringing me words and asking what they mean. For gods sake, how do you explain the definitions of ‘pendulous’ and ‘scrotal’ to a four year old? And even worse, how do you prevent him from using his new words at school?

The girls are getting in on the fun too. I found a ‘clit’ in Lola’s mouth last night and Nancy is often found salivating over a 'nipple' before popping in her mouth. This is uncannily reminiscent of when the beast was the same age and kept picking words off the fridge to give to his grandmother. She almost had heart failure when her darling grandson proudly gave her a ‘pussy’ and a new ‘vagina’. Sadly, I think it's time for our saucy love poetry to hit the bin.